You might be wondering that this is the same old story that everyone puts as their status and keep forwarding messages in the month of February such as “Say no to Valentine’s Day! Save Bharath Culture”. Or messages saying if we find you on this day, be prepared to get married or to get a new brother/sister or to get beaten up.

Well if you are thinking this would be similar to the same forwards……. Then you’re mistaken because I am not going to talk anything of such sorts here. I can perhaps say that you will get to know a few facts, my own opinions and a few checks and balances as well. You might also get a few questions to ask for yourself too.

Today before you finish reading this, all I want to do is make you think for once before you judge on delicate issues such as this.

I am not supporting anyone here but just wanted to get to the end of a decade-old problem that the Indians are facing.

We see that the majority of the Indian society loathe Valentine’s Day and despise it to the core. They think that this is a problem that today’s society is facing where the children are falling on the wrong path. They do not respect the Indian culture and are breaking age-old traditions and rituals etc. etc.

My first question is, “If it is wrong, then why most of the young generation still falling in love and celebrating Valentine’s Day? “

If it is wrong, then what is the right way to stop young people falling in love?

Is threating young kids to get them married to someone else if they fall in love, a right solution? Beating them so that they are scared to fall in love serves the purpose? Or making groups and rallies to find lovers on this day and putting in them the fear of God, Parents etc. stops them from falling in love and venturing into romance? Which is the right way?

We often keep hearing “Indian culture” and “Traditions” are some of the best in the world! Well, the same Indian culture traditionally tells us that when there is a problem we should go to the roots of the problem to solve it, rather than trying temporary solutions. So I come back to my first and foremost question. Despite the fact that there are good parents, many of whom are strict too and the kids coming from respectable families, why do they still keep falling in love and want to meet their beloved on the Valentine’s Day to celebrate their love? Does that mean that the kids do not have great values or do not respect Indian traditions? Or does it mean that their parent did not teach them well? Whereas for me I am pretty much sure that 95% of those kids whom you categorise as ill-mannered and low-life humans for falling in love will definitely try their best to intimidate you when you abuse their loved ones. If you want to see for yourself why don’t you go to some of these lovers say for example a guy and ask him what he would do if you molest his sister? I pretty much guess you know what the outcome would be. Here it is not the question whether they have respect for Indian traditions/cultures or not, the question is despite knowing the culture and traditions why are they still doing it??

I did a lot of online research so that it would at least help me take a proper side as to who is right. And the results are surprisingly very shocking!!

Ask me how I started my research. The very first thing that I did, was to find out what are the ancient Hindu traditions and cultures that surround love and marriage in ancient India. I will not venture deep into this topic because there are a lot of online articles and books present to give you a better picture on the same.

But I will discuss one particular aspect that caught my eye. Most of the articles and books that I could get my hands on, speaks that during the Vedic period i.e. ancient and medieval ages in India, Child marriages were very much prevalent. Parents of both the children meet to discuss the potential marriage partnership and once the boy attains the age of 12 or finishes his Vedic studies they get them married. This age differs with respect to women. Mostly a woman is married as soon as she attains puberty i.e. 12, 14, 16 etc. (roughly). Though the parents of the boy and the girl decide about the potential marriage, they are married only once they attain the puberty. And in this process, the consent of the girl is taken. This practice differed from time to time. And this practice was considered one of the best practices because it helps the girl gel well with the family from a very young age and hence reduces any potential conflicts with the in-laws and the husband that might arise after the marriage and also since the marriage is decided at a very young age it gives parents of both the children a lot of time for interaction which strengthens their family ties. Also, it helps the kids not to resort to unacceptable sexual practices once they attain the age of puberty because this is the time when a man and woman are most vulnerable to their hormones and desires. Keeping all this in mind our ancient philosophers and gurus have created this almost near to perfect system to curb a huge social evil which will come to haunt the society at a later point of time. I am not suggesting that this is the correct solution for our problem. I am saying that our ancestors knew that this was a potential problem that they might face in future and they had a custom/culture/tradition call it whatever you want to address the problem.

Now coming to the current topic I want to ask a question. Are we really (I mean the young generation) killing the Indian traditions and cultures or is it the current modern trends set up by the older generation that is bringing upon this wrath on them? I am not saying that loving is right. But all I am saying is that it is very difficult for a person who attains puberty or who is between ages 18-25 years, to handle the physical changes that happen in their body and the need to satisfy these desires which arise out of hormonal changes makes them resort to fall in love and various other aspects related to love and romance because there is no culture right now, to address this problem of young people. Yes falling in love is not right because falling in love with the wrong person may have a lot of consequences that might make or break a person. But does the young generation have their parents support in this regard? Can they go to their parents for a viable solution to handle their hormones problem? No, they cannot and hence they do the next best thing that they know of. Fall in love so that there is someone who cares for them, understands their needs and fulfills them. I am not saying all of this based on my own wisdom or my online research but I am saying this based on the volumes of research our ancestors did to protect the young generation and the society. I am not suggesting that sex before marriage is right solution for the problem nor am I suggesting that you marry your kid at a very young age. It is based on individual values and thoughts. All I am suggesting is we need to find a solution which helps the young generation combat their problems of growing up which does not want them to fall in love or resort to suc practices.

I have also seen a video in YouTube where Sadhguru gives his opinion on “Is sex before marriage is right or wrong” which I have shared at the end of the article. I think it might be of use to you.

Traditions and cultures are established in society to address the gaps that come into being because of the lifestyle of people so that there is no chaos in the system. And when there is a change in the situations and change in the people’s mindset these traditions serve no purpose because Traditions and cultures change with time. And if there is no culture that addresses a problem faced by society, we need to create new perfect traditions and cultures to address these changes. It is like making a truce or making a new law to address the changed scenarios of life.

I agree that Valentine’s Day supports or promotes love but are you exactly sure that Valentine’s Day is for love and that it is harming Indian culture if we are celebrating it? I am afraid not. There are many theories on Valentine’s Day but most of which keep coming up is that of Saint Valentine who secretly and illegally performed marriages to young couples when the then king of Rome forbade young men to marry so that they would be good soldiers and another one is that it is an ancient pagan ritual for fertility (I have mentioned the links below that talk extensively about how Valentine’s Day). So technically, celebrating Valentine’s Day is not killing anyone’s culture or tradition but it is just about celebrating love and fertility. And if the young children are celebrating such an occasion and we think it is wrong, doesn’t it mean that the current society or Indian culture is failing to address their personal issues of growing up?

Our current trend of life is more focused on materialistic development or I would say the external development/growth of a human body rather than concentrating on the mental or inner growth. Once we start concentrating on the things that matter the most and address them, I am pretty sure we no longer need to debate about our culture and values dying!

So this year, let us take a step forward for a better tomorrow and instead of forwarding messages that do more harm than good, let us understand where the actual problem lies and to think of the right ways to find a permanent solution to address the problem.

Thanks for taking your valuable time to read the article. Please provide any inputs or comment your opinions.

Note: I am really sorry if I hurt anyone’s feelings or cultures. I do not mean to disrespect any tradition or culture. Just exercising my right to freedom of speech. My objective and motive of this article is to make people think and understand why something is happening and what can be done in the right way to stop it rather than just blindly following majority of the society or taboo principles.

Below are the links that helped me. Hope they give you a much better picture on what is what when it comes to Valentine’s Day and Indian culture!

History of Valentine’s Day:

1. https://www.history.com/topics/valentines-day/history-of-valentines-day-2
2. https://www.bustle.com/articles/135077-6-reasons-valentines-day-is-actually-worth-celebrating
3. https://www.rosesonly.com.au/what-is-valentines-day
4. https://www.quora.com/Why-do-we-celebrate-Valentines-Day-What-is-the-significance-of-it
5. https://www.gqindia.com/content/how-did-valentines-day-start/

History of Marriages in India:

1. https://competitiondigest.com/status-of-women-and-marriage-in-ancient-india/
2. https://terredasie.com/english/english-articles/history-of-child-marriage-in-india/
3. https://ithihas.wordpress.com/2016/10/26/institution-of-marriage-in-ancient-india/
4. https://www.persee.fr/doc/adh_0066-2062_1977_num_1977_1_1353
5. http://shodhganga.inflibnet.ac.in/bitstream/10603/132526/7/07_chapter%202.pdf
6. https://www.importantindia.com/7277/marriage-system-in-ancient-india/

What happens to teens when they hit Puberty?

1. https://www.newportacademy.com/resources/empowering-teens/teenage-hormones-and-sexuality/
2. https://vitarock.com/blog/post/hormones-how-it-affects-your-sex-drive-at-different-ages
3. https://advocatesforyouth.org/resources/health-information/parents-17/

If you are a parent reading this I would recommend you click this link once if you are having problems handling your adolescent or adult kid.

Sadhuguru speaks about Sex before marriage: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kSdvGInI9DE